Call Me Timmorn

So, here’s a question that I’ve been pondering lately: Would you rather suck off a guy with a dog penis or a dog with a perfect and gorgeous human penis? Originally, the question involved fucking, but really, once the dogpenis goes in, you’re just fucking a guy, right? And in the case of the dog, you’re uh…well you get the idea. So blowjobs it is, just in the name of keeping shit interesting. What’s your answer? Being face to face with a dog penis is gross, no two ways about it, but to me, to ME, mind you, being face to face with a human penis is gross too. All things considered, I would say you have to go with the human man with dogpenis, gross as it may be, because sucking off a dog with a human dick is still sucking off a dog, and it’s not JUST my distaste for the aesthetics of the dogpenis that keeps the dicks on dogs out of my mouth, lo mein?

This brings me to today’s topic: otherkin. You guys know about this? These are people who don’t identify with their species…so it’s a dysphoria, but instead of feeling like you’re trapped in a body with, say, a gender you don’t identify with, it’s a species. Still with me? Okay, cool. So hold on for this next part. It’s my understanding that it’s also not always just that you feel like you’re, say, a fox trapped in a man’s body, but that you’re maybe an ANIME fox trapped in a man’s body, but it doesn’t end there. Often, otherkin folk ascribe nationality to their true selves, so it plays out more like “Hi, I’m Brendan. I was born an American human male, but I identify as a Japanese, blue, Anime fox.”

Lots of this obviously manifests online and doesn’t go much farther than avatars and cyberbanging in weird virtual situations, but there are instances of otherkin folks genuinely seeking to be recognized as the German Cartoon Razorback Hogs that they identify as, which leads me to the question, what do you guys think of this?

Now, I bring up the man-with-dogpenis vs. dog-w-manpenis hypothetical above, because I have to wonder how much this stuff is just anime fetish (a la bronyism) and how much of this is real, honest to god dysphoria. As in, does a Japanese anime fox have a human wang or a fox wang in this exercise? Is it a true feeling that one is actually a fox, or is it something more akin to furryism disingenuously posing as a genuine feeling of profound dysphoria?

My hunch, and I’d like to stress that this is just a hunch, is that it’s a bunch of nerds who just don’t like being themselves and wish they were in their comic books. I know, sounds harsh, but uh…you gotta be fucking kidding me. Feeling like you’re trapped in the wrong body has to, HAS to be one of the most profoundly painful feelings in the world. There’s no other explanation for why people would go through the huge, expensive, physically uncomfortable and, unfortunately, socially unaccepted task of transitioning. To equate your desire to be sonic the hedgehog with this truly painful, very real and very misunderstood issue is fucking lame. It’s lazy and it encourages people who don’t have any firsthand experience in dealing with this kind of thing to dismiss everyone with dysphoric issues as bullshit artists, which is, to put it mildly, unhelpful.

Here’s the thing: people have been suffering by virtue of being born into the wrong body since time began. However, I bet…I BET that there were no pre-internet otherkin. I could be wrong. In fact, in the spirit of journalistic integrity, I’ll google it now.

Hold pls.

Okay, a swan has posted a list of truths about otherkin, and I guess I’d like to point out that 1) Apparently the ‘silver elves’ started writing elven loveletters in the late 70’s. They were, ahem, elves. 2) bullying someone for the way they roll is just mean, and I’m not trying to bully anyone here, however 3) if otherkin is a situation that doesn’t require or even lend it self to therapy (according to the swan) then 4) it’s still pretty fucking disingenuous to lump it in with real issues that real people suffer real mental and physical anguish over, innit?

That being said, cool, weird world we live in. I’m glad that weirdos are free to be weird and that the internet’s helped everyone to find other like minded people to party with, and that’s not me being facetious at all. I mean it sincerely. What do you think, folks? Any pandas or seaslugs out there wanna share? I’m all pointy ears.

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20 Responses to Call Me Timmorn

  1. kitpoop says:

    Um, it’s really weird that you chose today to post about this topic. The day before yesterday some guy who identifies as a wolf wrote pages and pages of stuff about himself on my significant other’s Facebook page. For no apparent reason. If you’re interested I can email what he wrote to you. It’s pretty interesting stuff.

  2. Nick says:

    Fuck you i’m a dolphin

  3. Aight says:

    Isn’t this kind of just the same thing as being transgender?

  4. DJ BJ says:

    It seems more like a communal counterpublic to a public sphere than a genuine dysphoria. These people with similar interests have found a forum in which they can discuss such interests. Imagination is the key. Dysphoria involves a much more concrete identity with oneself that involves real emotional pain, as Mr. Kelly points out. This is definitely not the same thing as being transgender. The elves and arctic foxes and what not are products of social exclusion more so than conceptions of identity. That social exclusion leads to cohesion of and extremism within the identity.

    And totally go with the human with dog dong, because said dog with human penis probably does not hold an attraction and may be considered unwarranted. Rape is bad, m’kay.

  5. blahber says:

    Some anime is cute. Dunno what tf all that’s about, I’m socially awkward and don’t get people anyways. People are awesome, when they become whatever they want. I just don’t like it when people tell people they know what’s best for everyone or categorize us into compartmental boxes w labels.I think I’d just cut and cauterize the dog dick and insert a penis implant. Is that bad ? Fuuuuck, I dunno.

  6. Lenus says:

    I imagine it’s a form of escapism–a way of just justifying their lives and the pain they feel as a result of being socially awkward. It’s something that makes them feel unique and special, while justifying why those around them seem to treat them like shit due to their behavior.

    For some people, being normal is difficult, and when you get surrounded by those who make it more difficult (Bullies, parents who care about you and want you to be able to interact normally, dogs with human dicks) you get backed into a special corner where the best option is to pick up the banner of “Yeah, I’m weird. Fuck it.” and run with that as far as you can.

    I guess for some people that leads to being a fox in a human’s body. Cool. Whatever you say. Keep on bein’ weird, so long as you understand that that probably isn’t as painful as not being a guy when you really wish you were.

    Also, I opt for the anime fox with a non-anime human dick.

  7. Bobby says:

    Wtf ?…. New album kicks ass, dude.

  8. dustyfloors says:

    I’ve heard it said that if a lion could speak English their frames of reference would be so different you wouldn’t be able to have a conversation with it. I think that solves it. As a human person I think it’d be impossible to identify as an animal that is longing to be roaming a barren, snow covered field eating mice.

  9. dustyfloors says:

    I think it’s worth adding that if it’s a asexual thing it’s definitely horse shit. Simply because an animals sexuality is so far from relatable this would have to be an impossibility.

  10. dustyfloors says:

    sexual not “asexual”
    Fuck you Android swipe texting.

  11. blahber says:

    Lenus’ I guess you’re a better person than everyone bcuz you’ve nailed the psychosocial puzzle. Good job. I’m sure you’re a smug man w a light that shins bright in a world of darkness.

  12. blahber says:

    Lenus’ I guess you’re a better person than everyone bcuz you’ve nailed the psychosocial puzzle. Good job. I’m sure you’re a smug man w a light that shins bright in a world of darkness.

  13. Brent says:

    Wait, Kanye’s not really a gay fish?

  14. Amanda says:

    Otherkin are just furries co-opting terminology of actually oppressed people.

  15. Robb says:

    Surely we’re all in agreement that this dysphoria business, at least in the context of these otherkin rascals, is a total crock of shit, right? Obviously anyone legitimately plagued by irrational, all-consuming thoughts that they’re a koala bear trapped in a human vessel could be considered to have a legit mental illness and worthy of pity. These otherkins are just a loose consortium of confused/angsty teens and middle aged dorks sharing this odd but harmless escapist hobby/affectation

  16. Dracula's Penis says:

    If this otherkin deal was truly psychologically and inner-biologically truthful and not just uncomfortable and self-conscious humans trying to rationalize an uneventful existence, would animals be able to do the same thing? Like, a super friendly cat or that annoying, talking gorilla from the movie “Congo” felt as if they were born into human bodies? Probably not. If animals don’t have the brain capacity to comprehend and believe this otherkin stuff, then humans don’t either. It would have to be both ways in nature, like being transgender.

    Also, I’d probably suck that dog’s human dick off. It’d be weird, but at least he wouldn’t have that emotional connection and call me all the time when I’d rather just jerk off to the memory instead of the real thing again.

  17. hungar says:

    I typed into google where can i get a dolphin / kaola bear sandwich to eat and got this website. Anyway im still no closer to resolving this issue im fucking starving and feel that we shoul feed the hungry with stupid dying out animals like above mentioned. Oh and pandas man do i hate them so so much i mean they just want to be extint.

  18. JD says:

    But a dog can’t gossip afterwards … about how you sucked his dick. Food for dicksucking thought.

  19. JD says:

    Food for dicksucking thought….

    a dog can’t gossip the next day about how you sucked his dick… so, I’m going dog.

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