I got some quirks, people. Lemme tell you just a few of them. If I’m in bed and there’s even the slightest thimbleful of pee in my bladder, I have to get up and pee. There’s no possible way for me to ignore it for even a second. Since I’m a light sleeper and I tend to wake up about 5 times in an evening, and EVERY single one of those times, there’s at least a tiny dribbles’ worth of pee relaxing in my bladder, I’m up 4-5 times a night. It’s not because my bladder is particularly active, it’s more like an OCD situation, I guess. Laying there with pee in my bladder, even trace amounts, makes my mind race in unfortunate ways.
Shifting gears a bit, there are certain textures I can’t touch without getting super grossed out. They’re normal textures by all accounts, but to me they’re REAL rough. Some of the worst ones are super soft velvet, whatever that material that fleeces are made out of…I guess wool…whatever that wool treatment is that makes your Northface fleece feel the way it does (you dork), I can’t stand that. I also hate the feeling of newspapers. This one is really, really bad. The cheaper the newsprint, the more horrific it becomes. This textural aversion has roots in my fingertips and is somehow connected to my teeth. As in, the shorter my nails are, the more sensitive I am to texture and the main place I feel discomfort is in my teeth for some reason. I have attempted to explain this to a lot of people and, aside from Sean Nader, who suffers from a similar, but distinct affliction, nobody has any idea what the fuck I could possibly be talking about.
I absolutely will not voice my opinion about a movie until we’re out of the theater and away from anyone else who just watched the movie. I can’t stand when the lights come up and people ask “So, what did you think?” For one thing, man, this shit JUST ended. Gimme a second. For another, I don’t like just stuffing my opinion up other peoples’ dickholes simply because they happen to be standing around. But it’s not because I’m ashamed of my opinion. It’s more because I, for some reason (and this is stupid, and I feel stupid even for typing it) don’t think the people around me DESERVE to hear my opinion. I know. It’s stupid. My opinion totally sucks about 99% of the time. This isn’t a rational thing, but it’s deeply ingrained.
I’m jumpy. If you surprise me, the chances are, I’ll squeal like a little girl. My son has the same thing. My daughter, interestingly, does not, despite actually BEING a little girl. My jumpiness is so severe that even if I’m looking right at you, you can potentially get a squeal out of me just by moving suddenly.
I’ve mentioned this before, but if I go too long without making something, I start to panic, like palm sweat, wake up in the night with my heart racing, panic. When I AM creating, I’ll write like 4 or more songs a day, or bang out 25 pages of a script in one sitting until I’ve got something I’m satisfied with and then I’ll stop until the panic starts again and the whole process repeats.
I’m very easily intimidated by people, including my friends, which is weird, because I’m a domineering asshole in almost every situation I’m in, but I don’t recognize that while it’s happening. It’s only in hindsight that I realize that possibly, my shitty attitude could be perceived as intimidating. In fact, I’m often intimidated by strangers. I’m obsessed with whether or not the fat lady at the 7-11 by my work likes me. Logically, I don’t know how she could like me because all I ever do is buy a Coco Café and say “thanks!” but for some reason, I think there’s a tension there. I don’t know how to say hi to random people without it being either too desperate sounding or too callous. As a result, I’ve got a bunch of people in my neighborhood and work area that I see every day but who I can’t interact with.
I still remember every single name of every single kid in my kindergarten class. It went Luke, Brendan (that’s me), Suzie, Edward, Bobby, Jennifer H, Jennifer K, Chris, Oliver, Barry, Diane, Cathy, Hunter, Evan and LaTonya. That shit was 31 years ago. I think about that list of names every single day, not in any sort of “where are they now” way, but abstractly, as a string of words.
I can’t lie. My hands begin shaking and I begin breathing very heavily if I have to lie. This has gotten me in a lot of trouble, particularly with cops and border guards and intimidating people like that.
If there’s cottage cheese in my house I’ll eat the whole tub in one sitting, no matter what. It’s something I simply can’t be around at all. I don’t have that problem with any traditional stuff (chips, bottles of whiskey etc) but man…if there’s cottage cheese I have to get at it til it’s gone. What else?
I once went a year and only took 3 showers. I didn’t smell either. It was only immediately after the showers that I’d stink for a few days and then the stink would dissipate. When typing, if I get to a word that’s flagged as misspelled by spell check, I absolutely MUST stop and try and try and try until I spell the word right. It doesn’t matter how important or fleeting the idea is that I’m trying to get down. I CAN’T bear to have that red line under a real word (I can ignore it if it’s under a word like shitplug, for example).
I don’t know…This could go on and on. You people are weird too, right? Good. Good to hear. I’m sure this was a fascinating read.
xoxooxo
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I am This is This is.
guy. dad. husband. uncle. dog master. brother. son. uh...bad sleeper. some farts.
Why in the world did you only take 3 showers in a year?
I gave coconut water so many honest-to-goodness tries over the last few months and I just can’t keep that shit down.
Yay for sharing time!
I am the same way about newspapers. Thankfully, they don’t fucking exist anymore. Or at least almost. My other quirk (not that anyone cares, but its semi related) is that i hate the phone book for similar reasons to the newspaper, but also because its existence is a total waste. Oh and i can’t even look at mayonnaise, much less eat it.
My feeling of emotional insanity has really been building to a crescendo recently, reading this has calmed me down a lot, cheers very much.
Also, 3 SHOWERS?!
I have Tourette’s and OCD and have the exact feeling on dishes out of the dishwasher. I know I’m weird but I’ve learned to accept my troubles and am almost proud of my differences because I know there’s a reason I’m not normal neurologically speaking.
Hmmm…… I have no quirks that I can think of off the top of my head.
how about that one where you’re an idiot?
I’m the same way with boogers in my sleep and really soft fuzzy textures
The teeth feeling when touching an awful texture…I know it all too well. The cardboard-ish drink holders they give you at fast-food drive-thrus is one that gets me in the teeth every time. shit’s fucked.
I have to put lotion on my hands after I wash them. Dry hands touching ANYTHING gives me that feeling in the teeth. Just thinking about it is giving me chills.
I’m really jumpy too, and i hate it. The worst is when someone finds out about it and constantly tries to scare me. Once I was mixing a pint of paint for work and this guy snuck up behind me and screamed what the fuck are you doing. I jumped so bad I threw the paint in my own face and chest.
LaTonya!!!! People named other people LaTonya 36-38 years ago? That’s kind of rad and weird to me for some reason. I guess I must be an idiot probably. And ya dude, you’re gonna have to go into the 3 showers in a year story. Howard LaTonya Hughes.
whenever I come in contact with styrofoam or packing peanuts, I get shivers down my spine. I hate it.
I totally get the hatred for velvet and cloth. I feel it in my teeth too but the absolute worst is if cloth actually touches my teeth. It gives me about 10 seconds of feeling suicidal every time.
Oh yeah. If any of this touches my teeth, FUuuuuuuuUUUUUUCK. Just thinking about it is making me so bummed right now. The worst is the idea of newspaper on my teeth. that’s THE worst ever. Ugh.
I wont use the restroom if a fat lady just went or is in the bathroom, and I wont sit down where a lovingly large person has sat. I’m disgusted immediately. It has something to do with “largeness” scents. O.o Horrible, I know, but I swear I’d barf. It kinda bothers me for same reasons, if people suck their fingers while eating, lol. Dumb, I know XD
I used to play field hockey and the worst feeling ever was if water hit my teeth while I touched the cloth part of my stick. It’s been years and I can still feel it in my teeth just at the thought. I’m cringing even now.
I cannot stand metal touching other metals. The sound it makes when they touch, the way they look touching, anything about it. My teeth ache and I flinch back whenever I see it/hear them touch. When I eat, I’m careful to not let the silverware touch my teeth because the feeling makes me want to cry. The silverware drawer is like my worst nightmare.
Eggs and oatmeal freak me out.
The way you are with cottage cheese explains me with hummus.
I also have a hard time interacting with other people. Im actually pretty terrified of them. Which is ironic, because I am a social worker and stuck around all kinds of people all of the time. Your honesty and human-ness is endearing and makes me appreciate you more.
Having read of your intimidation of people, in retrospect, I’ve observed this. Not in social situations that I’ve been involved in, but from a far, at the gingerman for example. It makes sense. Some people, including yourself, clearly, classify you as an asshole. The few interactions that I have had with you had been completely and wholly pleasant. Maybe I’m just not intimidating–which is good because I’m a social worker. Social workers shouldn’t be intimidating.
Being in small rooms with track lighting. There’s something about the random spots of light that physically makes me nauseous. When I walk into my morning meeting at work — if someone has turned on the track lighting in our conference room, I shut it off and turn on the fluorescents.
Wait Northface is still a thing? I thought that, much like grey New Balance tennis shoes without socks, that was a late 90s – early 00s trend amongst teenage upper middle class ‘good ol’ boy’ soccer players in the south named Travis and Garret that thankfully died years back. It lives on?
You’re so cool because you don’t notice the millions of people that wear north face clothing.
Miiiiiiillioooonz?? Clearly Northface garments continue to be manufactured and that questionable motherfuckers continue to wear them. I just perceived a noticeable dropoff in prevalance in my neck of the woods compared to say the major trend it was a decade ago. You anus.
Wow I play soccer. I’m named Travis, & yeah I have northface snowboarding gear. Almost but I’m in Oregon freak. U thought u had me.. Haha freak
You’re also an assbag – implicit in my ‘typical north face” description above. So nah, no surprises here. The specifics matter not.
These are some first rate quirks though. Ditto on the newspaper/teeth-pain correlation thing. If while eating in public I glance anyone who appears very down on their luck or just has an vaguely sad aura about them I become intensely sad and tend to lose my appetite instantly. In middle school there was this program where once every two months or so the students with the best grades would get to spend the day at the mall. On one such trip in like 7th grade I’d just sat down for some food court Sbarro’s with my friend when I glanced this elderly couple shuffling to a table from the Taco Bell line. There was nothing overtly off about them physically but they just carried this overwhelming aura of defeat–posture etc–as though their only child had just died in a car wreck or they’d been swindled out of every last dime of savings and they’d decided to deal with it by spending their last years stuffing themselves with fast food. I just plopped my fatass pizza slice down in disgust and didn’t eat for like two days. Just one of those things that sticks with you.
I will only program the microwave with prime numbers.
This becomes problematic the longer the length of time needed.
me?…well,im just TO good of a listener sometimes. i believe folks beat these tittybaby quirks but hold onto them for the sake of nostalgia. also there is the inextricable link between perceived genius and these kinds of faggoty affectations that cause people to almost cultivate their quirks to be on par with the masters.irritating, uninteresting stuff..”really grover,the mayo still makes you heave?, youre 27, you’ve had close friends die, you’ve eaten adult pussy, we still doing this?” what im trying to say is cut it out guys
i mean beex’s bit when he pretended that every day he thinks about his entire kindergarden class as an abstract cosmic necklace strung together by names…easy,little man tate. It just comes of as bragging under the guise of bravely sharing. im just trying to help u motherfuckers out here…….
Everytime I have to be somewhere I am late. It’s the same thing every single day- I lock my door, get half way down the stairs (My flat is on the first floor) and then start to panic that I might have left my hair straightners/phone charger on. I also forget whether I locked my door or not. I spend a while on the stairs trying to convince myself not to panic and to just leave. I get so anxious that I have to go check.
I hate the texture of raw chicken- won’t cook with it, will only eat it if someone else cooked it.
Lemme guess.. You’re a stoner? Bahhaha
The sound of things scraping the ice in freezers makes my teeth hurt. Even the idea of having wet paper in my mouth makes me want to puke. Rob always chews on paper so I end up literally gagging while laying in bed or hanging out on the couch with him all the time. I am also terrified of dolphins. Like I want to cry when I see pictures of people with dolphins because I am so concerned about their safety while around that awful creature. Scrubbing noises make me anxious.
Holy SHIT! I have never heard of anyone else who has the paper/teeth deal going on. Ever since I was little, touching certain types of paper made my teeth feel really REALLY damn uncomfortable. I even went as far as sliding the paper between my teeth just to see how it felt. And it was fucking horrific. It’s a difficult thing to describe, but I can definitely relate.
brendan…it’s peg. this gave me a good chuckle. i like your quirks… hope you and abi are well…xopd.
I have the same feeling you get with newspaper, but when I touch waxed baking paper. I tried explaining it to my girlfriend once and she genuinely thought I was making shit up.