I woke up at 4 this morning after a night of some of the weirdest dreams I’ve ever had. Night before last, I slept from 10 pm until 1 in the afternoon, which is unusual for me. The reason this is all happening is because I just got back from fucking and sucking my way through the Soundwave Festival in Australia and then continuing the party (sans Soundwave) into the beautiful and unbelievably awesome New Zealand.
Good times were had, great people were met and in general I (and indeed all of us) had a wonderful time on the trip. Some highlights included swimming in a pristine volcanic lake between Wellington and Auckland, checking out some cool Hobbit stuff in Peter Jackson’s effects studio, and furiously banging every single member of Metallica, Slayer and Linkin Park each afternoon like it was my job. Our main hangs were all the great folks in Lucero and Flogging Molly, Kyle from the Sword and the dudes in the Vandals. I also got into this weird thing where I was constantly saying hi to, and high fiving Chris Jericho, though to say we ever “hung out” or “had a conversation” would be a massive overstatement.
Duff McKagan was also around a lot, touring with his band Loaded, and he came across as a real cool, down to earth bloke stuck amongst our dingus rabble, though again, any indications that I actually hung out with Duff would be gross exaggerations. Hmmmm…That Wade dude from Gallows (and indeed, all the dudes from that band) seemed to be pretty good.
Uh…what else? After what can only be described as serious sleuthing, I saw the dudes in Ghost (look em up) without their cowls/satanic papal outfits. That was something else. I watched Metallica, and I saw Lars and his much taller, super hot girlfriend at a BBQ. James Hetfield is pretty fit and good looking dude in person. Uh…Backstage, Sum 41 was stuck with the rabble and you could tell it was burning them up inside, since the headliners (Metallica, Garbage, Blink, Linkin Park and Offspring) all had their own compounds.
Speaking of, Blink’s compound guards were told to memorize the faces of the dudes in the band because they didn’t want to have to wear or show passes. That’s a cool perk of being in a 3 piece that I’ve not experimented with yet (side note, Travis wasn’t there, which prompted us to consider that he’s far and away the most famous of those dudes. Can you think of any other band in the history of the world where the [non singing] drummer is the most famous guy in the band? That’s just weird).
Man, what else? We hung out in an old jail in Adelaide, we played in an Olympic stadium in Sydney and we got charged 200 bucks to check a bag on Air New Zealand in Auckland, which was a heaping cherry of bullshit on what was an otherwise fabulous trip. We met a TON of great guys named Simon, including our tour manager and a dude who came to (I think) all our Australia shows except for Perth and apparently blew 3k at a titty bar one night. We weren’t there for that, which is a bummer, because I’m sure that was a pretty cool time.
As of this hour, 9 am, Chicago time, I’m kind of delirious and looking forward to going to the Gman today to bartend away all your TLA withdrawal symptoms. Come down. The password for a free shot of Malort is “Squiggily Boom.”
I look forward to seeing you all. Man, it’s great to be home.
Xoxoxox. Thanks to everyone in Oz and NZ for one of the greatest trips we’ve ever been on. Y’all are the best.
- @tigersgoroooar Whooooooooooa! now. I'm talking about (cups hands, points over shoulder) (whispering) the uggos. Shhhhhh. about 58 minutes ago from web in reply to tigersgoroooar
- It's weird to think that most of you have had sex, because most of you are so...(trails off) I mean...who..? nah. Nevermind. Nothing. about 1 hour ago from web
- I'd rather shake hands with your dick than stand behind you in line and smell your fucking patchouli. about 1 hour ago from web
- they invented the phrase 'come to think of it' to describe me at 16 and any vagina in the world. about 1 hour ago from web
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- If your last name is Surgery, Enlargement or Breath, please consider naming your child Dick. #goodone! about 2 hours ago from Twitter for iPhone
- @RedScareToby broke out the good wedding tshirt, eh? #niiiiiiice about 3 hours ago from Twitter for iPhone in reply to RedScareToby
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- I don't like to brag, but I do it anyway, because I've got amazing self discipline. about 4 hours ago from web
- @tigersgoroooar oh man. You're super. This is the best day ever! about 5 hours ago from web in reply to tigersgoroooar
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I am This is This is.guy. dad. husband. uncle. dog master. brother. son. uh...bad sleeper. some farts.