Today is my last day of being 35. It’s weird. 35 is already way older than I ever imagined myself being. In fact, when I was a teenager, I remember saying shit like “man, I’m pretty excited for my 20’s but then when I turn 30, I just want to skip ahead to being an old ass man, because 30-60 seems like the turdiest time of life…everyone’s a dork. Fuck that. I want no part of it. Just fast forward me to ‘cool old man’ please.”
Well, this assessment, like almost all the assessments I made as a teenager, was pretty half baked. 30 was actually up there with 22 in terms of my favorite ages I’ve ever been and as someone who’s about to be 2 years closer to 40 than 30, I feel it’s my duty to point out to my younger self that everyone who’s between 30 and 60 are not dorks. Most of them are, but not all. But, compare that to teenagers. Almost all teenagers are complete dorks. Therefore, you, younger self, are existing in a vastly dorkier world than me. The difference is that your dorky peers are all fresh faced, full of potential and blessed with dangerously, stupidly low standards when it comes to pronouncing something to be cool. Your dork friends aren’t cool. YOU aren’t cool, and frankly, you’re not really gonna get very cool until you turn about 27.
But that doesn’t change the fact that getting old is weird. Today is the last day of her life that my wife can ever hope to give a BJ to a man under the age of 36 (well, you know what I mean…today is the last day that I can conceivably know about her giving a blowjob to someone under the age of 36…but I don’t want to think about that at all). I’m old. I think, and I could be wrong here, but I’m pretty sure that I now qualify as ‘middle aged.’ Is that right? Good grief. Get me a nitrous balloon and a cupcake tattoo STAT.
The really odd thing is that I literally don’t think I feel any different at all than I did when I was 22, but intellectually I know that’s not true. I no longer have the desire to be out all night. I’m no longer nearly as angry or happy or excited or prone to pull out my dick/break stuff/start shit just for fun. I think things through a little more. I’m vastly more afraid of the world than I was. I’m more dismissive of new things. I’m satisfied with vastly different pastimes than I used to be.
There’s really no doubt about it. I’m getting old in body and mind and it’s an insidious, slow little journey that only sneaks up and shows its progress every now and then when you really stop and apply some serious self examination (which, as I age, I feel less and less comfortable doing). Suddenly, your dick is grey and you’ve got saggy, pendulous breasts and you think that modern music just sounds like noise. You find yourself saying stupid shit about what went down back in the day and trying (like an asshole) to convince younger people that shit was actually cooler back then, ignoring that the reason you feel that way is because back then YOU had more enthusiasm and were less jaded. Consider the shitty bands that you made yourself listen to over and over and even went to see live….horrible bands. Why did you put yourself through that? Because you WANTED to like them. At a certain age, ‘wanting to like something that you don’t actually like’ goes away. Either it’s somewhere between good and great, or it’s not worth your time. There’s no more forcing yourself to have marathon Suicidal Tendencies listening sessions simply because their aesthetic is cool. Old farts don’t really think that way. Frankly, that’s good, because I hardly have time to listen to anything cool, much less a bunch of bullshit like the bullshit I used to listen to back when I had no idea what I liked. And that’s the weirdest thing:
I can miss the energy and enthusiasm of being 22 and I can miss the freedom that my younger, childless self enjoyed, but I don’t want to be young again. I mean, I would take the brain I have now and go back to a younger body in a heartbeat, but I don’t want to trade my seasoned, storm-weathered soul, even though I think that I used to be happier and I know I used to be smarter. It doesn’t make a lot of sense, does it?
Well, fuck it. I like you guys. How about those of you who live in Toronto come see The Lawrence Arms at Riot Fest on Sunday afternoon and come to my birthday party at the Bovine Sex Club on Saturday night. I think it’ll be fun. Also, if by some chance anyone out there has an in at the Toronto Film Festival, I would absolutely love to go see the showing of Midnights Children on Sunday if it doesn’t conflict w my schedule. Think of it as a birthday gift to me from you, random Canadian who probably doesn’t exist.
Okay, thanks for another great year. I promise to keep writing songs and blogs if you promise to keep pretending they’re not garbage.
Xoxoxoxo
BK
guy. dad. husband. uncle. dog master. brother. son. uh...bad sleeper. some farts.
At 30, I’ve been feeling many of these sentiments lately. I’m attempting to consciously fight against it in fear of becoming a full-on curmudgeon by 40. I think I’m losing the fight because it feels more comfortable to be that way.
Oh well.
M!
Im 34 and i love it. The only thing that kind of bums me out is being the oldest guy at shows. I went to see bomb the music industry a few weeks ago and i must have been 10 years older then anybody else there. It was kind of weird, but i love the music i love.
Same here. I saw BtMI in SF a couple weeks ago and if it wasn’t for Mike Park and his friends I think I would have been the oldest there.
M!
They were so awesome though, dont you think.
Dude, I’m 39 and I completely agree with your assessment of “middle aged”. I’ve got one kid and another coming. Yeah, there are days when I wish I was in my 20s but they are few. I actually enjoy being the odd old guy (not in a perverted way…at least I think). I don’t want to conform to that role of racquetball playing, Izod wearing parent assumed by most guys my age. Growing old and being happy and content doing so is a state of mind for me. I still feel like I am younger but I just don’t think like I’m younger, meaning I am definitely more aware of the world around me and the impact that I have. Being the old guy at shows does feel odd but fuck it, I’m not there to pledge a fucking fraternity so who gives a shit what people think. Saggy tits aside there are a lot of things to look forward to growing old – all the life experiences and wisdom that you get to pass onto your kids, high fiber diets, social security….shit man, sign me up!
I’m almost 29, I remember being 18 and thinking I knew everything. Looking back I can see i was an idiot who didn’t know shit.
I actually did know everything when I was 18. I just rapidly forgot it… all the time.
Totally. That’s a fine entry right there. Happy birthday.
Dude. I have a friend who writes for Rue Morgue (a Canadian horror magazine) who sometimes gets free passes to TIFF stuff, but no dice in this case. I tried.
I’ll buy you a beer on Saturday night instead though.
I find this to be super interesting, because as a 23 year old (and even since I was 17), I’ve found myself relating to a lot of your lyrics from your younger days (from Slapstick up to Greatest Story), particularly the constant theme of being terrified of getting old or not acting your age. I understand that eventually I must come to terms with it, but it still freaks me out. Hopefully I’ll have your outlook when I’m 36.
I bought a Riot Fest ticket just to see the Lawrence Arms play. Unfortunately, I don’t live close enough to Toronto to see you play acoustic on Saturday. Happy birthday, and I look forward to getting my Larry Arms on.
You are the band that I thought was awesome( still do) hahaha.
hey mate, take it easy mate. youre not that old.
Agreed! Juss thank about old ass Jason Priestly, n’ have a good laugh, n suck yo wife’s titties! It’s eeeasy nyaaaa
Snap (2013) “A psychological thriller set in the world of underground dubstep…” lmfao!
“Yall remember splat balls?? I juss walked outta Goodwill with a whole satchel! Memory lane whoop!!” (17 likes)
Well, darling. You seemed to be pretty trashed last night, but you might remember talking with me (if you read these comments, that is, which I imagine you do just because they might sometimes be relevant). I came to talk with you while you were making up your setlist and asked for “Dance of the Doomed”, which you ALMOST decided to ignore. But thanks for playing it anyway. You made my day, you handsome fucker, you. I said in another comment up there that I’d buy you a beer and I didn’t, but that was because you already smelled deliciously drunk and also because I spent my money on a t-shirt that you handily sold me with your description of how the shirt would fit and that UK girls wore XLs as dresses and it was pretty hot.
Aaaaand, creepy gushing girliness is over. Hoping RiotFest rocks my socks as much as last night’s show did!
hi bman.. you know youre alright mate. you remind me of taj burrow. hes about your age and hes still on the wct for god knows how long. and he never ever got his fucking trophy. his world number 1 shit. but you know I like to think his trophy, is actually the fact he haas been on the tour that long and still manages to pull of some pretty fucking awesome shit on tour and at home. you are my hero
Just wanted to confirm that TLA fucking brought it today and rocked my panties right off. BK, you’re gorgeous. It’s a good thing you’ve got a wife because otherwise I’d have left my fiance for you.
I just did a complete remaster of Aliens personally with the same colorist I worked with on Avatar. It’s spectacular. We went in and completely de-noised it, de-grained it, up-rezzed, color-corrected it, end-to-end, every frame, and it looks amazing. It looks better that it looked in the theaters originally. Because it was shot on a high-speed negative, that was a new negative that didn’t pan out too well and got replaced the following year. So it’s pretty grainy. We got rid of all the grain. It’s sharper and clearer and more beautiful than it’s ever looked. And we did that to the long version, to the director’s cut, the extended play.
she thought she had tha upper hand cuz of tattoos
sooo.. not really much to do if there’s no gig on or no new bsc stories to read
could go pick up chicks i guess although i suck at that shit (who am i kidding im ok). if only there was a dude that had all the right moves. a dude with the ability to pass on this information to the aspiring others…. aka The Nielothon. Brendan, can you please call up that naked fountain of youth you play in a band with and plEASE get him to share the feavirish goods right here get him a got mustard stains on my jacket im not kidding around, beatufil souls.
dude I’m fucking virtual backpacking past the fucking L n L tavern.. haha fucking A
(Rap video spoof concerning the various colorful residents of a rent-controlled apt community; to the tune of Bone Thugz’ Crossroads)
‘The man in room B30, yea they call him Mistah bOOty/what a sunny disposition–yea hes always fresh n frooty’
(extreme low angle shot follows the aforementioned androgynoid with noticeably dominant lower body/shapely posterior; a bulging fisheye lens compounds the effect. He is 5’6″; wears a skin-tight white tank top yellowed from sweat stains; beige khakis; chain wallet, an unkempt afro; walking a pair of meticulously-maintained white toy poodles)
black, needless to say
Love ya man! Only because I feel like I have too, at age 22. But seriously I really enjoyed seeing you guys at Riot Fest, it rocked.
thx
xoxo