Good morning lowly and loyal servants. It’s a wonderful, wonderful day here at Bad Sandwich HQ and it’s all thanks to you. As some of you may know, recently the Chicago Reader (the free weekly paper here in Chicago that has Savage Love, ads for hookers, unimpressable movie reviewers, band listings, restaurant reviews and stories about unfolding scandals in various city council meetings) held their annual Best Of Chicago readers poll. I asked for your help in getting this blog into the winners’ circle for the second year in a row (we crushed such bullshit competitors as ‘Megan’s typed out Alkaline Trio Lyrics page,’ ‘Pictures of skinny girls from Magazines’ and ‘Who’s Fuckin’ Who, Y’all?’ back in 2011 when we were still over on fucking blogspot for Christ’s sake!) and you guys delivered. But you guys didn’t stop there!
This year also saw us sweep broad acreage, burn the crops, dominate the landscape and rape the peasants over there on the Reader’s Best Of 2012, as I/we also won ‘best Chicagoan to follow on Twitter,’ (take that Kanye!), best new band (BK and the Wandering Birds), best rock band (the Lawrence Arms) and even Best Singer Songwriter, which is a title I’ve now won twice in a row, despite not really being much of a singer/songwriter. It’s funny, because this year the Reader staff simply picked their own ‘best singer songwriter’ and wrote about her instead. That’s cool with me. I don’t need puny, bespectacled old men writing superlatives about my meager skill set. I’m happy just making a farce of the whole voting process.
Truly, I guess the Best of Chicago – Reader’s Poll is really more for restaurants and bars than it is for such whimsy as Twitter and blog overlords. Lord knows that the Reader still won’t write up any of my local shows or review my records, and my resume was just as effective in getting people to call me back and interview me for jobs back before it said “Best blog in Chicago as voted by the 2011 Chicago Reader reader’s poll” which is to say that I’ve never gotten a single email that even said “hey, got your resume. We’ll check it out.” I should probably stop printing it on the back of carwash flyers.
But today isn’t about my crippling inability to do simple things that most of you can do without even thinking about it. It’s about rewarding my ability to do stupid things marginally well that most of you don’t waste time realizing that you could do just as well, and for that I thank you.
I’d like to first and foremost thank you, my Dogs of War for coming to the blog, reading and voting like the surly, dangerously malleable mob that you doubtlessly are. I’d also like to thank Jesus and my management team (Jesus and God) and my local drug dealers, shady paramedics and fellow alleyway pervs for keeping me interesting. I’d like to thank my kids for giving me something to write about and of course my wife for all the victory blowjobs that she’s doubtlessly preparing to give me this evening. Finally, I’d like to thank the readership of the Chicago Reader for being lazy and allowing a gang of degenerates to sweep in and hijack the entire poll.
Some other notable victories include Red Scare Industries for Best Local Label and in a total coup, Katie Degroote over at Gingerman Tavern won best bartender. This one is significant because it’s one of the few categories that people actually campaign for. Do you guys know what that means? If we wanted to, we could probably band together and make some real, concrete improvements to society at large.
It’s a good thing I have no interest in that.
Thanks, y’all. xoxoxo