We’re headed to venus!

Well, this is the last morning I have at home before I leave on tour. I’ve got some outstanding bills to pay and I’ve gotta take my car in to get the ignition coils replaced (whatever the fuck that means) and it seems quite a bit like my wife is sick. I’ve got a few ways of deducing this. Firstly, she’s still in bed and it’s almost 830. That’s a big sign. Second, she was really tossing and turning last night and finally, this morning when I got up to get the baby, my wife turned to me and said, “holy crap, I feel like shit. I think I’ve got food poisoning or something” which, to the unknowing may not seem like much of a clue, but I know this girl pretty well, and trust me…that’s evidence that she’s not feeling too well. It’s a bummer because I had a totally depraved evening planned out. Oh well, next time, right?

I’ve got some things that need to get done before I leave on this tour. One of the things I needed to do was record versions of all the new arrangements of all my new songs so I don’t forget them while I’m away. Now, living in a small apartment with a baby, a toddler and (currently) a sick convalescent makes recording anything difficult. Add to this that the space in the house that used to be set aside for me to record has now been repurposed as a toy zone and that I can’t get my ancient recording device out without my kid yanking all the knobs off it and well, you see my problem. Anyway, long story short, I used the voice memo thingy on my iphone to record some real bare bones acoustic versions but unfortunately for me every single one of them features my kid in the background (actually, not in the background at all…in the foreground, much louder than everything else) screaming “dad! I want Dora! Dad! I need Diego!” over and over and over again. You’d think there would be enough time for me to slip off and record about what, twelve minutes of music, wouldn’t you? But no. You’d be totally wrong about that, folks. Honestly though, it’s not a big deal. These demos are just like maps our outlines for me anyway, they don’t need to sound good. I mean, after all, Mike Park is gonna put ‘em out and I’m gonna call em “demos”. Heh. See what I did there? Pretty good one! Zing, wealthy and talented friend! Zing!

Another issue I’m having is that I’ve lost yet another ski cap (or beanie, depending on your regional dialect). I’m about to embark on a tour without a winter hat, which is not only stupid, it’s also fashion backwards, and lord knows I don’t want to be caught dead slipping, fashion wise. I need to go get a new hat, but unfortunately for me, I don’t really know where to get a decent winter hat and between these errands I have this morning and my mother in law showing up this afternoon and all the general madness that accompanies being a father of 2, I don’t think I’m gonna be able to pull it off before I leave

SO, here’s what I you to do, dogs of war: Help a brother out. Go to a store and get me a hat. I like earthy colors (olive, brown) and dark colors (black or navy) but I’m much more partial to something that’s kind of cool and interesting (think stripes, not graphics). A few things to keep in mind: 1) I’ve got a gigantic head. It’s bigger than mike park’s head. This is true. 2) It needs to be the kind of winter hat that flips up. Does that make sense? When you pull it on, the bottom lip has to fold up to make a new kind of double layer over the ears. I’m not into those hats that just slip down like a golf club cover. That shit’s for snowboarders. I’m more of a vagrant. Okay. Oh, and if you make stuff yourself, that’s far and away the best of all. Just saying.

Now, I know, asking you for clothes is kind of weird, but I’m kind of in a bind here. I need a hat, right? I mean, birds gotta chirp, fish gotta swim, all that. SO, yeah. Am I taking advantage of my position as internet overlord to ask people I don’t know to shower me with gifts? Short answer, totally (long answer, not really, but who ever reads the long answer these days?). Also, I want a cheese steak with cheese whiz in philly, a couple of coked up models in Brooklyn some wicked pissa pahties in Boston and in NH,um…hmmmm. New Hampshire, eh? What are you guys known for? A quick google search reveals that you guys are known for NASCAR and maple syrup. Unexpected. Kay. Well, um…I don’t really need any of that, unfortunately, so how bout you guys just come out to the show, eh? All the other shows are selling out or sold out. You syrup loving nascar freaks are slipping, man!

Yeah, in fact, that’s exactly what I want from NH. New Hampshire, you guys need to step it up if you would. Bring some people to the show. There are gonna be people who can’t get into all the other shows, due to the sold out nature of them, so shepherd them to your beautiful and picturesque tiny little state, home of ski vacations and the first primary elections, and we’ll be good.

Oh, and anyone coming up from Maryland should bring me a case of Natty Boh and I’ll put you on the list to all of the shows, sold out or not. That’s all.


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