whaddaya mean I don’t pay my bills?

BBBB writes:

“Christ, this blog has gotten terrible. That last few months all it has become is bitching and analyzing the dumbest shit ever (paragraph after paragraph about the word “ironic”?—fuck). And then a legion of tools that further disect it in the comments. Done with this blog!”

Now, there’s nothing I hate more than disappointing my public, and let me tell you, this critique from BBBB got me right in the ballsack. I’m so, so, so terribly sorry that he (?) doesn’t like what’s going on here. It’s a shame. I hate the idea of him waking up in the morning, getting to work or school, finally going to take a dump, punching up this page and finding nothing more than a stupid bitchy rant about the dumbest shit ever. It’s gotta be disheartening to be BBBB in that situation and I feel for him. And now, he’s done with this blog, so he’ll never even see my heartfelt apology or know how much his criticism has punctured my very soul. Sigh.

Well, if I were to somehow be able to have any sort of meaningful discourse with BBBB I might say something along the lines of “um, what the fuck are you talking about? This blog has ALWAYS been bitching and analyzing the dumbest shit ever. That’s kind of what I do. And while we’re on the subject, that’s what most blogs do. This is a BLOG. It’s bitching and discussing minutiae by design, so if that’s not what you’re into, well, go to any of the zillion other webpages/tv shows/newspapers/magazines/videogames out there that have a different purpose and/or agenda, eh? Okay. Glad that’s cleared up.”

Anyhoo, I’m not gonna sit here and bitch or analyze the dumbest shit ever today, folks! No, I’m gonna heap praise on a sock drawer poster named virtual visor (mesmerizer). That shit is funny, man. Now, full disclosure, I’m guessing that he incepted my appreciation of his weirdness using a meticulously crafted and carefully monitored dreamscape environment and all that, but regardless, shit’s funny.

Okay, enough of the sock drawer for now. I’ve got bigger fish to fry. Guess what I’m doing this afternoon? That’s right! I’m interviewing Megadeth, Slayer and Testament. That’s big time thrash, kids. For those of you who don’t know, these are some famous ass bands. Dave Mustaine was in fucking metallica for fucks sake! Anyway, it’s gonna be a lot of heshers and me just kind of hanging out and shooting the shit about drugs and war and religion and all that. Should be a good time. I’m gonna ask slayer about the nazi pyramids on the moon. I’m gonna ask dave mustaine what the best drugs are and I’m gonna ask testament if the cover of practice what you preach is in fact an interpretation of a dream that the guitarist from faith no more had or if that’s just a midwestern hesher rumor.
Oh, and I’m gonna ask Dave Mustaine about his new book (yeah, that’s what I thought too) and his affection for wacky as shit wingnut Alex Jones.
Point being, I’ve got a lot of research to do and my kids are kind of going nuts and hey, it’s friday and I just can’t really be bothered to sit here and write anything, especially now that my new mission statement precludes doing what I do best, namely bitching about the dumbest shit ever, so, uh…later dildos.
See you at the sundowner show.

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