hey y’all! I just got home. My computer is dead and my wife’s computer isn’t letting me run word, so I’m typing this in an email and then subsequently posting it. Take note, lazy younger generations! I’m doing what used to be known as problem solving before the liberals got their hands on our english and turned everything into PC thuggery. Anyway, I’m here, in Chicago after a long arduous journey to hell and back where I saw the majestic natural earth-cans of the rockies, smelled the sweet methy morning air of the ozarks and feasted on the succulent fat children of St. Louis all while dragging two screaming offspring and enough luggage to supply an entire season of the simple life along.
And I’m leaving again tomorrow. Tomorrow I’m going to Sean “the meat” Nader’s wedding in Detroit. Now, for those of you Dogs of War that don’t know, Sean Nader is one of my best friends and a former roadie extraordinaire for my band, the lawrence Arms, and Saturday in Detroit he gets all grown up and gets to lose his virginity and all that kind of good stuff and well, I’m gonna be there watching the whole thing. I can’t wait, and not just because it’s been a long night since I sat in on someone else’s wedding night. No, I’ve just been on a long and ruthless family vacation and while it was a fabulous time (thank you very much, assorted family and friends!) there is absolutely nothing that could possibly provide such a perfect antidote as a Nader wedding. Here’s why:
Nader, besides being our roadie is also an extremely talented visual artist. He’s also completely out of control in a very fabulous and endearing way. He’s the guy that the first verse of the song “demons” is told from the perspective of. For those of you not familiar with my band, the opening line of the song is “I got too drunk at your wedding and my voice got loud and I said some creepy things and I staggered around and even though your best man had to kick me out it was a pretty good time either way”. That line is inspired by a tale that Nader told me of showing up shirtless to his buddy’s wedding reception and apparently casually challenging a few people to a fight (as in “hey, you got a fucking problem with me? what are you looking at?” That kind of shit). This story would not even cause anyone who knows Sean to raise an eyebrow in surprise and truly I do NOT put this kind of behavior past him, even here, in the face of his own wedding. AND I know for damn sure that so many of his worthless lout friends (of which I am most definitely one) see the institution of “Sean Nader’s Wedding” on the horizon and think to themselves “oh shit, that’s gonna be quite the party.” Final results? There will be much fun and at least ten zillion good stories to come out of the evening. That’s the Paul Anka guarantee. Color me tickled pink, folks.
Now, of course, we’re all older and no one (save MAYBE Sean himself) would probably dare to get as awesome as he did at his buddy’s reception (possible exceptions include a rarely drunk PT [our old tour manager, who rarely lets himself get drunk but when he does…hide your sons] and Jimmy Lucido (sp?) who was the drum tech for that dildo from Soundgarden and Audioslave’s solo tour and also shirtless at the same wedding reception, [in a united front with Sean, not as an opposing mothra like rival]), but I’m real stoked to be going to a wedding of someone I care about a lot and someone I respect the shit out of who’s primarily into fun and being a good time. I’m gonna wear a suit, I think. But not one that I can’t spill on, if you get my drift.
Actually, now that I think about it, I don’t know what this deal is gonna be like, as I think the bride’s parents, who are presumably throwing the party, aren’t really big partiers (as in they’re really into christ their savior and all that)…but I could be wrong. Hell, whatever. Sean Nader’s getting married, folks! Ladies, you’ve all missed out on getting his own unique version of HPV! Sorry! Well,no, actually, PT has a very similar strain of it too and he’s still single, so there’s still a chance.
Okay, I’ve gotta go wake everyone in my family up and get down to the pool so I’m gonna bid you all a good day. Congratulations Sean and Kristen! Love you guys and I’ll see you tomorrow!