ah. it’s nothin more than what god gave me

Scotland, you’re amazing! Hope you crazy sounding, mean looking but very very nice in practice bunch of weirdos had fun at the show. Tonight I’m in leeds, home of our first ever good show east of the atlantic and I’m pretty stoked. I’ve broken a glass and the guitar head on this tour just went and took a dump with only four days left…not enough time to get another, so uh…guess we’re just kind of hoping that the openers have good guitar gear for the remainder. Pretty cool. Uh, what else? oh, i know, due to this country’s fascination with a two thousand year old dead hippy, the trains are shit (or shite, as they’re sometimes called) on friday because everyone’s gonna be too busy looking at dumb statues of this dumb dead hippy to run trains, apparently. I dunno. Maybe he wasn’t dumb, but this whole “let’s stop time because some hippy got nailed to a tree two thousand years ago” business is fucking up our program in a major way. Long story short: you going to the kingston show? You wanna drive us to london after it ends? That would be great. Neil will blow you or, if you’re a woman, treat you with a distant but profoundly sincere respect. Any takers? Cool. Oh yeah. I opened a pack of bass strings and there was a vial of illegal indeterminate powder inside. No shit. Took the shit out of the plastic wrap and there was some form of drugs in a little amber vial. INSIDE THE SHRINK WRAP!!!! How crazy is that? Now, as drugs are generally bad, and drugs that you don’t know what they are are completely, in all cases off limits unless you’re completely fucking retarded (in the figurative [sub mongaloid] or literal sense, because well, when you’re retarded, you probably have to take a lot of drugs that you dont know what they are, but this aside is all kind of academic at best and pretty fucking rude at worst, so moving on…) we ditched it with some folks that have pretty low standards for what they put in their bodies (“came prepacked in a pack of bass strings that you ordered over two years ago and you have no idea what it is? We’ll try it!”) the truly frightening notion is that i inadvertantly traveled with that in my baggage. And let’s be honest, the claim that I had no idea that there were drugs in the factory sealed strings wouldn’t go far were they somehow discovered when the customs cops assessed that we were in a band. It would have been nightmarish. But, thankfully, like stepping back just before a car rounds a corner or walking by as a safe falls from above just behind you, shit’s fine and nothing’s changed, though it’s uh….either an awesome christmas or a serious case of the heebie jeebies or death for those dudes who may or may not have ended up partying with random substances…i dunno. wasn’t my drugs. All I bought was bass strings. got em straight from the factory. and there’s drugs in it. and two years ago, whoever was supposed to get these drugs probably was pretty bummed out. whatever. I’m just the storyteller.
hi mom.

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