Monthly Archives: January 2010

No, donnie, these men are cowards

Posted on January 29, 2010 by

I have a pain in my guts that I can’t even begin to describe. I think it comes from eating all the pepperocinis at my work. I’m old. I mean, that’s what it is, right? Because I never got this … Continue reading →

Posted in five ways to surprise your husband tonight (hint, having a penis is one) | 19 Comments

I got a zit the size of a bait shop on my back…

Posted on January 28, 2010 by

Based on a new morning schedule, I’m typing this as my kid sits next to me, intermittently screaming at the dogs (who are licking his pacifier, which he threw on the ground) and manhandling a plateful of scrambled eggs with … Continue reading →

Posted in fun activities for you and your bedridden grandmother to do in the rain | 19 Comments

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Posted on January 27, 2010 by

I have a friend named Joe. Joe’s a good dude. We’ve known each other for a while and we’ve traveled the world, I’ve hung out and gotten along with his wife, and he’s gotten along with my wife. We don’t … Continue reading →

Posted in eight new things to do with dildos in your kitchen | 29 Comments

i shouda stood in bed

Posted on January 26, 2010 by

Man, first thing that happened when I woke up this morning was that, on the way to the coffee maker, I stepped in dogshit. It was early morning, and I was still in my underwear and barefoot. The results were … Continue reading →

Posted in fart yourself thin | 22 Comments

of mice and brens

Posted on January 25, 2010 by

Good morrow, turdlets. Welcome to another week of mindless drudgery. It’s days like this when we should all take the time to reflect on…no. I’m sorry. I can’t do this. I’ve got a heavy heart. You’ll have to forgive me. … Continue reading →

Posted in whiten that smile by closing your eyes and sucking a revolutionary new gel out of a hose in an alley | 18 Comments

It opened up my eyes!

Posted on January 22, 2010 by

Okay you fucking smart ass. Look at this for a second. shock1 [shok] –noun1.a sudden and violent blow or impact; collision.2.a sudden or violent disturbance or commotion: the shock of battle.3.a sudden or violent disturbance of the mind, emotions, or … Continue reading →

Posted in in response to the question posed in yesterday's sock drawer, these mean nothing | 32 Comments