The darker the berry the sweeter the Juuuuuuice!

Brian Austin Green and Megan Fox. That’s a topic, right? I mean, people are talking about that shit like crazy. What are they saying? She’s hot, the hottest chick in the world and he’s just some schlubby dildo who used to be on 90210 and had a rap album (yes, he did) and is currently unemployed. People also talk about her bad tattoos, but mostly they talk about how it’s just inevitable that the two of them will break up and she’ll start dating someone who’s uh…you know, not David Silver.
Well, firstly, let’s not knock people with questionable tattoos, people who are unemployed and people who have put out bad music, kay? That’s um…I dunno. For some reason, I don’t like that. Second, David Silver, he’s a pretty good looking guy, isn’t he? I mean, I’ve got this picture of him in an unzipped, silver hoodie exposing his chest and…wait. No. Yeah, she’s super duper hot, and he’s a malorkus. That does kind of suck. Stupid, suck ass David Silver.
Seriously though, that chick is one of the best arguments against letting people pick tattoos when they’re young. She’s got some terrible portrait of Marilyn Monroe and some Shakespearean bullshit about gilded butterflies. Honey chile! That’s just nasty, baby. BUT, it’s not as bad as this picture I saw yesterday.
I saw, via the internet, a photo of this dude in a swimsuit. He’s either at some kind of pool party or beach or something and he’s got his arm around this pretty hot girl and on his arm there’s a tattoo of what looks like the little box at the bottom of a movie trailer that gives the rating and then kind of explains what the rating means, but where the PG or the R or the NC-17 would be, there’s a P, and then next to it, it says * ahem* “Player for life. Looking for luv? You’ve come to the wrong place.”
I don’t think there’s enough virtual ink on the internet for me to effectively list all the reasons that this is one of the most asinine things I’ve ever seen, but suffice it to say, I’m blown away. The dude kind of looks like a meaty Jim Carey and I dunno. Really? That’s your tattoo, bro? “Luv????” You couldn’t even be bothered to spell love correctly? I mean, what. The. Fuck?
Okay, I found the picture. Here’s the offending dumb dumb:
My baby isn’t napping. He’s in his crib stomping around and kind of singing to himself. I wish he’d nap, because I have kind of a lot that I want to do right now, during this naptime, but it’s not looking good, man. Aye Chihuahua. He’s amped it up now. It’s wailing. I broke the coffee pot over the weekend and it’s really putting a damper on my morning routine. I mean, I’m used to about two hours here where I can get shit done and drink coffee while he sleeps. Today though, I got no coffee, no napping baby, AND I got a fucking ticket on my car for having no city sticker, but I DID HAVE THE FUCKING THING!!!!AND IT’S ON THE CAR!!!!! I’m so pissed about that, I can barely fucking see straight. It’s already extortion the way they make Chicagoans buy these fucking stickers, but this whole new program of just writing tickets then seeing who contests them, the ‘mail in rebate’ style of city revenue collection, really chaps my sack.
They’re trying to get the Olympics here. That’s what this is about, apparently. I dunno. I’m just sick of it all, man.
Well, according to that kid from the Sock Drawer, I can still get the original Sparks down at this liquor store right down the road, so that’s a silver lining in an otherwise horribly oppressive shit storm of a life, right? Suuuuure. Well, that and I’m going to get a sweet tattoo today. It’s gonna be a picture of Brian Austin Green shirtless, and tattooed on HIS chest, it’s gonna say “playa!” What do you think? Oh, and he’ll be showing off his tongue stud. Maybe it’ll be Sean Nader instead of Brian Austin Green, now that I think about it. He’s a rapper too. Okay, I got some thinking to do, folks. Don’t want to wind up with something stupid on my body forever, right? That would be horrible.

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19 Responses to The darker the berry the sweeter the Juuuuuuice!

  1. dan638563 says:

    Erin Andrews naked why not oh and its a safe link to……

  2. admp says:

    I never thought I'd get to see this video. Kudos.

  3. planespotting says:

    I wouldn't recommend clinking on that link, people. I heard on the radio this morning that many links which supposedly point to the Erin Andrews video (some which point to the actual video) are also loaded with viruses (the web page hosting the video, I mean).

    Click at your own risk.

  4. AndBurnTheRest says:

    loltatz is officially my new favorite site.

  5. FAskies says:

    I never though I would support mothers against anything, especially after they got those 0 tolerance tenn driving laws in Ontario but I fully supposrt this site

    yah you read that right, read the letters from angry Brokencyde fans, it badically proves the websites point.

    Oh and does anyone else agree with me when I say Lights is hotter than Meagan Fox, or am I by myself here

  6. dan638563 says:

    I'm sure its a safe link, I got it off the Vinyl Collective message board. I've already watched it, not really of fan of her body like I thought I would be.

  7. AndBurnTheRest says:

    the video got pulled down already anyway.

  8. Scott says:

    that anti-brokencyde site is hilarious. Apparently their fans have excellent educations.

    Why can't people just accept terrible music for what it is?

    Megan Fox is hot, there are tons of topless pics from "jennifer's body" out there if you just google her name. I will say though, sometimes she kind of gets a little butter-face now and then

  9. Tim & Rac says:

    Brendan, my son is now three and a half, and still sings/talks himself to sleep. He never gets out of bed, but just kind of talks to himself till 10-11ish… we put him down at about 8-8:30. Sometimes we'll put the TV on mute and just listen to him.. it's great.

  10. Banana@1000MPH says:

    That MPAA tat guy was on

    "HCwDB of the Week Finalist #2: P. Doody, aka "Rated P for Poo"

    I'm renaming this potential nominee for Worst Tattoo in the History of Body Art "P. Doody"

    And yes, the excellent 'bag hunters in the comments threads, in this case, Chia LaDouche correctly identified the 2008 H.C. winner for HCwDB of the Year, Carly Hott.

    Has she ditched the Hooligan? We do not know. But Carly remains boobarifically glorious.

    P. Doody has a giant tattoo meant to invoke the MPAA rating system. Srsly? Ya bro.

    All sorts of arm-locking wrongness in this pic causes lemurs to karate-chop a kitten in the nads.

    In a strange twist of irony, those lemurs karate-chopped the same kitten I once slapped and bought an ice-cream cone. But that's a story for another time."

  11. VoicesOffCamera says:

    That tattoo was pretty bad, but at least it's not on his face. My friend showed me this guy and his tattoo is pretty bad:

  12. Seagull Steve says:

    Wheres the zeitgeist?!

  13. Sickie27 says:
    I asked this guy about his tattoo and he said the misspelling "makes it more original and punk lol".

    I also saw this girl with a chest piece that said "Rudy Can't Fail". Honest mistake, but sweetie, geez.

    I'm getting a The Ergs! tattoo next month. Hopefully it doesn't come out saying "Upstares/Downstares".

  14. Robb says:

    A kRazy thing to have said to her would've been "You've gone and botched a set of iconoclastic lyrics!" with your hands on your hips, shaking your head to and fro ever-so-slightly, as though to show tremendous disapproval.

  15. Nate B. says:

    Just bought my tickets for the Bottom of the Hill shows! I expect you to mention how much smaller it is than the Oakland Arena.

  16. Bridgett says:

    Coffee pots are pretty cheap. I think they sell them at the dollar store.

  17. Jayzilla says:

    is it time for the 1 year extravogansia?

  18. internet says:

    sickie was is wrong with "rudy can't fail"

    its a clash song.

    rudy can be spelt a plethora of ways.


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