Hey hey hey! It’s Thursday which means that I’ve got some kind of disgusting stomach flu. It was nice enough to introduce it’s unique blend of cramps, running and burning to me at around four am, which was cool because let’s face it, I wasn’t really doing much else, so it really was able to get my full attention.
As usual, I’m on my way to work. My friend is in town staying at my house for one day only, and she’s in the shower, so in these few moments of solitude, I’m gonna attempt to uh, drop my daily dose of science on all y’all like ten cc’s of homemade glue out the frontal dong region of an old man onto the innocent smiling (then suddenly frowning) face of a young, troubled girl who hates her dad. Are the kids still saying that? “Dropping science” I mean. Yeah, probably. Whatever.
Yesterday’s post, which involved me talking about fetishizing people generated a few responses. Some were mildly funny. One guy had a wonderful analogy about tramp stamps and the difference between a fetish (you NEED whatever you’re fetishizing to get off) and a kink (you prefer it), and while I find this kind of categorizing entirely dorky and completely at odds with what makes fucking cool (raw, animalistic, fun, you know, not nickel and diming shit, kind of letting it slide and just having fun even when people queef or shit on the bed accidentally or barf on your balls) yeah, sure. You’re kind of right. Although, to be fair, I WAS talking about people who exclusively choose partners because they’re black, or crippled or whatever, so whatever. Like I said, dorky argument. The real loser of this argument is anyone who has to be part of it, and I’m stepping out, but that guy’s pretty funny anyway. Pretty sure he’s the dude that was gonna bang the porn star for his birthday. How’d that turn out? Did you have to bring your own cocaine?
That other poster in the Sock Drawer, on the other hand, the one who posted the hyper spatial reality check about how no one is born black or woman or anything and it’s only because of society that we ascribe these identities to bodies (real quote:
“So a black person isn’t a thing that exists, he lives in a heterosexist, white supremacist society that has given a very specific meaning to his body. A fat person or a dwarf or an amputee exist within a cultural milieu that attaches certain meanings to their bodies.”)
Uh…look here spaceman. I don’t give 2 shits about the fucking post calculus theoretical math of intrinsic gender studies and neither should anyone. It’s the most pointless exercise in the whole big universe. And while I’ll stop short of saying it’s stupid, I will say that it’s worthless. There is no practical application to deciding suddenly that black guys don’t exist and it’s a construct. EVERYONE on the earth, besides a few stinky proto hippy punk post-polyamorous revolutionary lesbians and their friends in a few rooms (badly in need of air fresheners) in a few college campuses in the world, would look at Lebron James and categorize him as a black man. The theory of why that’s wrong is so fucking irrelevant that, not to belabor the point, you ALMOST couldn’t do something that’s a bigger waste of time. ALMOST. Right now, for example, I’m arguing a one sided argument against one of these people, who’s obviously intelligent, quite possibly offended, and I’m definitely not going to change their mind about this particular strain of study. THAT’s a much bigger waste of time. So, in THIS argument, I guess you win.
I think the idea that people who fuck others to improve their self esteem or get ahead are somehow shallow is kind of fucked up. I mean, fucking is a mutually enjoyable activity. Sure, not always. But Racquetball isn’t always mutually enjoyable either, and people go out and hit the racquetball with their boss in hopes of getting ahead all the time. People also play racquetball when they want some exercise, and want to play with a good partner and see how they match up and this can, and often does bolster self esteem. It’s the idea that somehow sucking a dick is a cheap and easy back door to success…Fuck me, I just don’t think that’s true. Sucking a dick isn’t always easy, I’ve definitely seen some people do terrible jobs of it, and shit, man, to go back to the racquetball analogy, hitting a fucking racquetball around with some old man for half an hour does NOT sound to me like it’s harder than sucking him off.
Do you see what I’m saying here? Sex, a physical and fun activity can boost your self esteem and further your career, and yeah, there’s emotion involved, but there’s emotion involved in every human relationship, so that’s not really an issue. You can’t fuck the boss if he’s married (unless you really don’t like his or her spouse, then it’s a great move). You can’t fuck the boss if you’re married (unless you and your spouse agree that it seems like a smart family decision), but you can validate yourself with sex. Sure you can. Why not? Because someone else doesn’t automatically get a higher opinion of you afterwards? So fucking what? They didn’t have an opinion before either. Stop being such pussies. Jesus fucking Christ. I’m off to work. Thankfully, I’m all full up on self esteem, and my bosses…well, let’s just say I’d rather play racquetball. Way rather.