I can’t stand false bumpkinism. You know what I’m talking about right? These dudes, often dudes in bands who’ve cultivated this “down home, laid back, fish n’ drink and dream and whittle’ kind of attitude, except it’s fake. Oh, yes it is, little girl. That’s just what he WANTS you to think. It’s ALWAYS fake when it’s a dude in a band at least, and I’ll prove it to you.
When I was uh…I dunno, sixteen or seventeen I saw greenday play second of four opening for Bad Religion. The show was at the Riviera, which is about 2500 capacity. At the time, they’d played only one other show in Chicago, and that was at McGreggors, which was this dumpy little bar in the suburbs that held maybe 200. the bands at McGreggors played on the floor, and I believe there was a banister between the bands and the crowd. It was a typical shithole that people now look fondly back on because they (for example) were able to catch Green Day there before all hell broke loose.
Anyway, this night at the Riv, Billy Joe walked out, looked around the huge room and said “Man, this is a lot different than McGreggors, huh?” then proceeded to play one of the best sets I’ve ever seen any band play. And that first line stuck with me. How crazy must it have been for him to walk out there and just see all those people when his experience before that had just been Mcgreggors?!!? Mind blowing.
What I didn’t realize then was that BJ had already been in the show room at the Riviera for soundcheck, and hung out there all day, he’d been on the Bad Religion tour all the way out from California and he was in no way surprised by the size of the venue or the amount of people there. In fact, quite the opposite, he was totally expecting it, and he played a show that betrayed that he was completely comfortable up there. He was doing something else entirely. He was name dropping McGreggors to the crowd, which is what you do if you’re a good showman and you’ve been around. You gently remind everyone that you were there too…It brings a feeling of camaraderie to the whole affair. That’s okay. I dig that. It’s JUST misleading enough without being phony. What I don’t dig is this kind of shit:
“Wow. This is a big place. We’re just some country boys from XXXXX, and we appreciate y’all makin us feel at home” (or whatever aw shucksy ‘man, this is a big ol’ city y’all got here’ type bullshit they’re pulling).
Dude, no. You’re traveling on a tourbus. You’ve been to Japan, you’ve been to Europe so many times you’re sick of it. You and your crew are among the most well traveled and cosmopolitan people in the world. You don’t get to pretend that the cities and the fast pace and all that shit blow your mind and get you down. They don’t. Fuck, man. You’re an ARTIST who travels CITY TO CITY all over the WHOLE WORLD making money. Don’t bullshit me, man. It’s a fucking gimmick and that’s all it is. At it’s best, it’s akin to that episode of different strokes where Willis and Arnold decide to start acting African (playing drums, fake accents, wearing colorful wraps) because even though it’s not who they are, it’s where they came from. At its worst, it’s no different than white kids acting black, completely co-opting something that was never part of their experience except as a transplant or observer because they think it’s cooler than who they really are.
But, let’s not get too complicated or specific. I’m talking about the complete bullshit show that goes into aw shucksin’ your way through a concert. You know what it’s like? It’s like George W Bush. That guy is a Yale grad, born in Massachusetts, son of a fucking PRESIDENT who somehow convinced everyone that he was a Washington outsider and just a down home good old boy. No you’re not, dude. You’re exploiting the very people you pretend to be in hopes that their simple charm will not only endear you to them, but also rub off on you and make you seem appealing. Well, here’s the thing, it works, but it sucks. It’s phony, it’s shitty and it’s driving me nuts. The emperor is wearing no clothes, man. Fuuuuuuck.
Okay, and on to the question about swinging. Someone in the drawer asked about swinging. She wants to try, he doesn’t (interesting twist).
I want to [swing], but my husband thinks it’s becuase I’m unsatisfied with him in bed, or that I want a “legit” way to cheat. It’s neither. Does that make me incredibly fucked up? And what guy doesn’t want a free card to fuck another girl? Oh yeah, and the fact that I wouldn’t be jealous, means I, “Don’t care”. Which is also untrue (I’ve started fights with girls looking at him the wrong way.) __Shouldn’t it be ok as long as its mutual, no lying, non-emotional, and you really love each other? I think it’s sweet that he’s so committed and I feel bad that he thinks I’m not for suggesting it. I’ve never stayed with a guy more 3 months before him, and he and I have been married for a year and a half now. __And uh.. this isn’t one of those “if she wants to do it, she’s going to do it” scenarios. If he doesn’t agree, it’s off the table… he’s not quite convinced I’m sharable.
Okay, to answer your questions in no particular order, yes, it should be okay as long as it’s mutual, no lying blah blah blah, but it sounds, very plainly, like it’s not mutual. What guy doesn’t want a free card to fuck another girl? Your guy apparently. There’s no way to argue this point. Fucking is a goddamn instinct and that kind of shit is wired into you. You’re going to use logic to get him to fuck someone so you can too? That’s like bringing a drill to a fishing trip.
Also, there’s a big difference between wanting to fuck someone and wanting someone else to fuck your spouse. I’d love to fuck a few people out there, but even more than that, I like my old lady fucking only me. That’s my style, I guess. I’d rather not fuck other people and deny myself that just because…nah. I dunno. It’s not really that simple, is it? Sex and love are funny things and the big deal is that they allow people to be vulnerable in front of each other. You and your dude know each other well, you know how to turn each other on, piss each other off, and I bet you could crush his soul (and vice versa) better than anyone else on the planet if you wanted to. That’s the thing with swinging. It’s serious business. Watching someone fuck your spouse…I wouldn’t want to do it. I can say that with assurance. I mean, if I was married to someone who said “hey, I’ll NEVER fuck anyone, but I want to watch you fuck other people” (and this attitude DOES exist) I’d maybe be able to give it a try. But I’m not married to that person, and it sounds like you’re not either. I dunno, man. Swinging’s cool. Seems like a real great time, but as much as I wish it wasn’t the case, I don’t think it’s really for me, and sounds like it’s not really for your dude, either. Convincing him that it is his thing is really nothing short of coercion with your relationship as the stakes. You could probably convince him (because, like you said, he’s a dude) but it WILL end your relationship. Again, drills on a fishing trip, man. Someday, he may decide that’s the kind of spice he wants. Til then, if the last line of your query is true, shit looks like it’s ‘off the table’.
That being said, I’m perfectly willing to be convinced regarding swinging, so everyone, send in your nude shots (couples only [mw or ww] and we’ll see if we can’t work something out. Gotta go to work.