guess what buddy? You’re on it.

Last night and the night before, I’ve been haunted by fever dreams and insomnia. I’m not exactly sick or anything…well, if I am, these are the only symptoms. I’m no stranger to insomnia, but the last two nights have been really filled with anxiety. I wake up around midnight or one and my mind begins racing. I’m a busy guy, and I start thinking about the impossibility of the things I have to do and the timeframe in which I’m gonna be able to get them done, then I begin to think about all the things I’ve done in the past, all the projects that I’ve taken on that have ended up half assed or unfinished or that have just languished due to my lack of follow through. THEN I begin to think in broader terms and start to become pretty terrified. I start thinking about the larger ways that I’ve failed as a friend, or just as a guy or whatever, and then I begin to panic that I’m a terrible dad/husband/friend/son/human being all that shit. THEN, and here’s where it starts to get really spooky, I begin recalling things from the dreams that I was having that just woke me up, and examining them as though they really happened. At this point, I’m sweating and my entire sense of self, conscious and unconscious has been skewered and I’m WIDE awake but there’s really no desire to go back to sleep, because that’s where those demented and crazy dreams are.
When I wake up again in the morning, none of this shit bothers me very much. Yes, I have a lot of shit to do in short periods of time right now, but it’s exhilarating and scary and exciting and it doesn’t really panic me (well, it does a little, but in a realistic and manageable way), I feel fine about myself and all that shit and I (of course) in no way feel responsible for my actions in dreams (which strangely, aren’t even really sins or transgressions, it’s just the general creepy nature of the dreams that wigs me out). I’m left with a tiny little seedling of doom sitting there in my chest though. Just reminding me that I terrified the shit out of myself two nights in a row. I mean, last night, I sat up reading, pretty sure I was totally fucked, through and through, but unsure of why. Today, I’m just tired. Ah well, I’m thinking it’s idle panic that comes from anticipation.
We’re going into the studio this weekend to record some songs for a 7”. We’re gonna look into doing four on the record with a spare track for the internet or something and with a possible alternate version of one, but we’re doing shit fairly quickly, so we may not get to everything. We need to practice. We’re practicing tonight and tomorrow night and then we’re recording for two days and then I’m kind of chilling. I hope to finish my book. I’m reading The Things they Carried by Tim Obrien, and I’d recommend it to anyone. It’s sort of a memoir about Nam, but it’s not as lame as that makes it sound. It was a finalist for the Pulitzer and there have been some points in reading it that I’ve been pretty fucking glued/terrified/on the verge of tears. It’s a great read, seriously. Hell, it got me through the night terrors last night. If you want to just read a great short story by him, the version of “Speaking of Courage” that appears in there is pretty fucking stellar, I think. I guess it’s a rewrite, so don’t go for the original, which apparently kinda sucks. Just to clarify, the one where the main character is Norman is the good one. The one where he’s named Paul, I can’t vouch for that shit, yo.
Um, what else? Oh yeah, down in the sock drawer, our buddy Kyle wanted to know if he should go to college…I was gonna respond, but I think the answer that was left below by your fellow sock was pretty spot on. What else, man? I feel like I’m forgetting something….uh, I talked about night terrors, I talked about recording, I talked about the book and the latest query from the drawer…Jizz? Felching? Anything like that?
I dunno, man. I took the whole week off from the bar to be in the studio. I think that right there should be reason enough to celebrate this week. OH! The cobra Skulls new record, American Rubicon is all done, and one of their new songs is up on their myspace page. Check that shit out, fools. Otherwise, you know, I’ll pity you, Mister T style.

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26 Responses to guess what buddy? You’re on it.

  1. Tim & Rac says:

    last blog was about how reading is the best way to write songs (and is just healthy brain exercise in general) and i was going to ask for suggestions. now i don't have to. right on.

  2. Banana@1000MPH says:

    Dreams are fucked, but fun in my opinion (even terrors). I don't think I've ever had that extreme anxiety stuff, but I remember once waking up thinking my whole family was dead with tears running down my eyes and my friend woke himself up screaming once.
    I can't believe my good luck that I get 17 new Cobra Skulls songs soon.

  3. Banana@1000MPH says:

    By god, I went to Yahoo directly after this and found:

    Dreams' emotional meaning
    New research shows sleep is powerfully connected to emotions in ways that might surprise you.

    I think you are a prophet now.

  4. planespotting says:

    The things they carried is a great read – I think I first encountered it in like, AP Lit in senior year of high school. But I must not have encountered it very well, because I got a 2 on the AP exam.

    damn AP.

  5. Manny Los Gatos says:

    The Things they carried is the shizzle fo shizzle. The sweetheart of song tra bong. You gotta read Company K by William March and also Of Human Bondage by Somerset Maugham and if you have some free time read Martin Eden by Jack London.

  6. Shannon says:

    I had to read The Things They Carried once for a lit class, it was very good.

  7. Timothy says:

    So since there is all this talk about reading. Are there any other books that you would suggest to us fellow socks down here in the drawer?
    Also, I'm totally stoked for the new Cobra Skulls album, even tho none of the songs have cobra in the name.

  8. Gregory says:

    that o'brien book is pretty powerful. I read it a few years back and I particularly remember that section where he contemplates fleeing the country. hopefully i'm thinking of the right book. i second your recommendation.

  9. Gautham Ganesan says:

    Just read "The Things They Carried" for my English Honors class. Undoubtedly the best book I've read as assigned high school reading.

  10. Gautham Ganesan says:

    On second thought, I really enjoyed "The Great Gatsby," but TTC is still the best.

  11. kylewagoner says:

    I can vouch for the one where the main character is Paul. It is total shit compared to the one in the book. Tim O'Brien is my favorite war author and we read that short story in class and it took me more than half of the short story to realize I'd read something similar before. But come on, his name was "Norman Bowker" or something like that and not "Paul Berlin." Complete bullshit. AND they call Kiowa "Frenchie" in the short story rewrite. Totally stupid. Anyway, yes, that's one of my favorite books and I'll have to go reread what whoever wrote in response to my question.


  12. FAskies says:

    Is this 7" for The Falcon? or The Lawrence Arms?

  13. Sickie27 says:

    I saw The Menzingers last night. And I'm pretty grateful you said to check them out. Because they are great. I respect your mind.

    This reminds me of when I get sleep paralysis. Which actually happens to me pretty often. and then i get scared and stay up for the rest of the night.

  14. Tony says:

    I am going to have sex with that 7"!!

  15. Robb says:

    I've experienced sleep paralysis with annoying frequency since age 17. I still vividly recall the first episode, which came near the end of junior year of high school. And it's just been a real carnival since. Well with all this talk of literature, let's just talk words; since they're closely linked. Did you know…
    'Corpuscle' is the single gayest word in the english language?
    'Phyllis' is the gayest name?
    'Snog' is the gayest word in any language?
    It's all true.

  16. AndBurnTheRest says:

    The Things They Carried is a pretty great read. Thorough agreement.

  17. Candice says:

    robb- i think the word "galavant" is up there in gayness

  18. Matt says:

    I also recommend O'Brien's "If I Die in a Combat Zone." It's not quite as good as "The Things They Carried," but it's still a good read. Another great memoir is called "Another Bullshit Night in Suck City" by Nick Flynn. It's about a guy and his estranged, homeless father, and it's great.

  19. c. brennan says:

    If you like The Things they Carried I recommend you also check out Dispatches by Michael Herr

  20. meo150 says:

    I always sleep better after spreading peanut butter on my ice cream sandwiches..

  21. Candice says:

    that sounds fucking amazing

  22. Robb says:

    Haven't read 'Another Bullshit Night…' but it's been on my list for awhile…really need to get to that. On the hard-hitting slice-of-life front I also recommend Buddy Giovinozzo's 1993 book 'Life Is Hot In Cracktown', if you have the stomach for that sort of thing. It was mysteriously out of print for years but is now available again. It was also just adapted into a film, but it's apparently having trouble getting distribution in the U.S.

  23. Candice says:

    hey brendan- i was just last minute cramming for an exam i have in an hour and i learned that recent research suggests that getting an extra 30-40 mins of sleep a night greatly reduces both nightmares and night terrors. so pry yourself away from guessing her muff and get to bed early!

  24. Gregory says:

    i would also like to ask the question….which band is recording the 7"?

  25. christa! says:

    Definatly read Another Bullshit Night…the whole thing takes place in Boston. I actaually was in the South End the other day and walked by the Pine Street Inn. The experience went as follows:

    Why are all those skeezy dudes hangin out over there…
    Holy crap it's the Pine Street Inn! Awesome!…shit I gotta get out of here before someone stabs me with a shiv.

    …anyway it still rocked, especially because I didn't get stabbed.

    (For those of you who haven't read the book, the Pine Street Inn is the homeless shelter where the main charachter works)

  26. VoicesOffCamera says:

    I read "Things They Carried" in one of my American Lit clkasses and I can vouch for it being a great read. At the end of that class, the only two books I kept were "Things They Carried" and "Flight" by Sherman Alexie, which is kind of a Native American version of Slaughter House 5 (and almost as good).

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