I dropped the comb!

Remember that concert where Neil Diamond is about to start playing…I dunno, maybe Cracklin’ Rosie or something, and he starts in with this totally hilarious, self indulgent line about how back in the day someone always told him to “write what you know” and so that’s what he did? Then he goes into some song about being on the circus train or whatever. It’s an amazing example of being out of touch with reality, but it’s also true. Any sort of art that’s going to be worth a shit has to come from a genuine place inside you. That’s kind of like “writing what you know” but it’s more than that, or, I should say, it’s simpler than that. Every person has a unique perspective that’s interesting if for no other reason than because it’s unique. Expressing your own perspective is the interesting part of art, whether it’s a painting or a movie or an anal penetration photo shoot.
Lately, art has been democratized and everyone can make records in their living rooms, or sell paintings on the internet or publish books via text messages (this is actually a big deal in Japan…books written on phones. Talk about a perspective…woah) Okay, so what’s my point? My point is that all that’s really happened is that there’s more garbage. There’s about the same amount of interesting paintings/books/music as there ever was and a huge spike in the crap. But here’s the thing…everyone is doing these blog-thingies now. I’ve been reading some blogs, because obviously, I have no life of any kind, and I’ve determined, on behalf of the world, that blogs are where people are actually fulfilling their creative expression vis a vis actually putting their unique perspectives out there. It’s probably sucking the perspective out of the real art, but it makes for interesting reads.
Seriously, think about any great book. Crime and Punishment, just for an example. The way Raskolnikov feels alienated in the bar, or how he sits there and simulates the chess game of the questioning detective while he’s lying in his room, that’s pretty much the contents of a blog right there. There’s something really interesting about seeing what people think and say when they think no one is paying attention. Once they know people are paying attention, then the blogs become WAY less interesting (see: Badsandwichchronicles.blogspot.com for an example of this).
I don’t know if this is the same as the ‘girl next door’ porn phenomenon that the internet has created, but it reminds me of it quite a bit. Okay, this was some sort of study some guy did where he looked at the traffic to certain porn movies or nude pictures based on the thumbnail images you click on and discovered something that is probably not surprising to anyone who looks at internet porn: Namely, the average looking girls got way more views than the traditional big titted, blonde ‘hot’ girls. So, essentially, this creates an interesting situation in which the women that a guy wants to see having sex on the internet are A) probably the only kind of woman he’s ever seen having sex in real life, and B) the very same woman that the guy would probably walk past in the bar, never attempting to actually bang in the, you know, non-virtual world. Fucking bizarre if you look at it that way, but it’s a lot like uninteresting minds of sixteen year old goth girls that become interesting as soon as they’re really laid bare in a blog- it’s that you’re really seeing into the mind/bedroom of someone that you could potentially be standing in line at the DMV with. Why is that interesting? I don’t know. I for sure wouldn’t want to take someone from the DMV back to my place and fuck them, or even engage them in conversation, but once all the tubes of the internet are between us, I become interested, transfixed. I guess what I’m saying is, thanks internet, for making art terrible and crappy boring, unattractive people almost compulsively watchable. I’m gonna start a shower cam just to bring this whole thing full circle. Ever want to see what the Bad Sandwich guy looks like washing his ass? Now’s your chance!
Okay, thanks for bearing with me. Here are two more places to visit while in Chicago.

Wrigley Filed-
Yeah dummy. It’s awesome. Oh, you don’t like baseball? Boo hoo. Go for the hot dogs and the beer and the nachos and all the asinine humanoids that are staggering around shouting offensive things. Go for the beautiful girls with some of the worst Illinois accents you’ve ever heard. Go just to check out the building, which is super old and cool. Go to sit on the roof and dump rum runners down the front of the big red sign. The point is, no trip to Chicago is complete without taking in a cubs game. Did I mention the hotdogs and beer? Okay, great.

The Art Institute of Chicago-
One of the best art museums in the world. Walking up to “American Gothic” or “Nighthawks” is crazy…it’s like standing next to Arnold Schwartzenegger or something. Those shits is famous, man! They have Picasso,Van Gogh, Monet, Manet, Pollack, Warhol et-fucking-cetera…it’s free on Tuesdays and worth the price of admission the rest of the week. Come on! You drank plenty last night! Do something your mom wouldn’t be ashamed of for a change.

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12 Responses to I dropped the comb!

  1. dumbloserme says:

    Funny thing, really… I that last time I came to Chicago was for, mainly, these two reasons.

    Except, I despise the Cubs. I may be a New Englander but I root for St. Louis.

    Wrigley is a much better venue than Fenway Park.

  2. Pete says:

    Nothing says summer like a day at Wrigley field.
    If you want to make the most out of your day, go to an afternoon game and then head over to the Metro afterward.
    Best. Day. ever.

  3. SauliosBJ123 says:

    You forgot to mention the ratio of probability of getting murdered while in the art museum compared to standing next to Arnold. 1:50,000,000,903,092

  4. Keri says:

    Wrigley Field in the winter at night, when the lights are out and the streets are abandoned is one of the most eerie and awesome places to be ever.

    You should’ve also noted that one should never leave a Cubs game early.

  5. Ninchen says:

    So you suggest going to the Art Institute to realize that the art you are trying to sell on the internet isn’t all that good, huh?

  6. bk says:

    I’ve seen Wrigley Field’s bleachers. There aren’t that many beautiful girls there. But if you like cargo panted frat monkeys, you hit the jackpot.

  7. AT! says:

    thursday is the free day at the museum. 5pm-8pm. in the summers it is also free at the same time on fridays.

  8. James Bliss says:

    I don’t think there’s a real excess of bad art today. When I go to a library I’ll see tens of thousands of books from antiquity through to now, and the vast majority of them will be crap. Time and perspective allow us to filter out the proverbial Hesses and Fantes from the proverbial Freys and Rowlings.

    There’s certainly greater access to bad art thanks to the internet, but it’s safe to assume that the notion of there being more bad stuff now versus some undefined past is common across generations.

    Or maybe I’m totally wrong.

  9. grilled cheese says:

    the scary thing is there are people who would like to see what the bad sandwich guy looks like washing his ass.

    also, your amy winehouse looks like she smells bad comment had me laughing for days. thanks.

  10. Bonus Cupped says:

    The title to this entry reminds me of a bit in the Simpsons where Bart’s standing next to a sign saying ‘reading group’, he whips out a marker and puts a ‘b’ in front of reading, chuckles, sees what it actually says and groans.

  11. jasonxyouth says:


  12. Tokkie says:

    Man, I just finished C&P and its such a great book.

    …and yeah I know i'm late, I only discovered this blog a couple of days ago!

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